Ahh, Transition...

Continued from the last blog post. 

Ahh, transition. I've felt it for a while now. Knowing that one season is coming to an end and a new season is beginning... such exciting discomfort. 

Like I described in my previous blog post, my heart has been awakened to proactive love and the choice to be the hands and feet of Jesus- making the most of every opportunity. This is a choice that I will have to make no matter where I find myself. My heart is not in one particular country, and my home is not in one particular country. My heart and my home are in Jesus. I follow where He leads.

...and friends, He is leading me back to Uganda. 

Last summer, I had an interesting conversation with Pastor Scott Holmes, our district superintendent of the AG in Louisiana. We talked of young people with a desire to reach the world for Jesus, myself included, so often restricted by age, finances, education, or time commitments. Particular sending organizations require certain dollar amounts, a certain degree, or a number of years of experience in such-and-such field of ministry before they will permit a missionary to begin their work- and once they do, these organizations are often very particular in what missions work they allow, in what locations, and the amount of time that a missionary must commit. This is not to speak badly of these organizations- many of them have seen so many people come to Christ! But for a young person like me, with a limited income and an unaccredited degree, this is very frustrating. 

So we began to dream. We talked of a missions training school that would train young people from all over the world in missions work on the mission field. It would be a long enough time commitment that the young person could truly experience the culture and build lasting relationships, but a short enough time commitment that if that young person felt led to return to school or train in another area of ministry after the program was completed, they would be free to do so. There would be Biblical teaching, revealing God's heart for missions as displayed throughout the Bible; and there would be practical application ministry opportunities to see God's heart for missions revealed before us! 

****

Back in March or April, God gave me an idea to write a missions curriculum. I didn't know what it was for at the time, not until months later. I used some of it as an idea for a small group, but I heard God tell me, build it more. I used some of it when I had classes with the MC students, but I heart God tell me, build it more. And then I was sitting down in the foyer of the church, talking with Pastor Scott and his wife about the dream of a missions training school...

And again, I saw the hand of God that had been at work while I was still in "limbo." 

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There is still much work ahead of us, much to be done, much that still hangs mid-air. But I trust God! He has been so faithful throughout the waiting period He called me to, throughout my self-inflicted "limbo," throughout the growing of my heart to love proactively those that He places in my life.

I know He will be faithful in these days ahead. 

My plan is to head back to Uganda in March of 2015 to begin looking at compounds to facilitate this missions training school. I'll also be working on the missions curriculum that God had me begin almost a year prior, as well as building relationships with other ministries that our students can assist during our practical application. 

Pastor Scott will remain actively involved as our spiritual covering and advisor, and he will come to visit and teach the students. His friend Dennis, a Ugandan singer and ministry director, who has helped Pastor Scott and others to grow ministries in Uganda, is on board with us as well, also giving advice and helping to facilitate on-the-ground connections that will make next year easier for me. Also, a friend of mine from Watoto, Thomas, is on board helping with logistics and details. 

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So, that's the plan! If you're wondering how you can help, by all means, pray. 

Pray that I will continue to be sensitive to God's leading. 

Pray that as we continue to work out the details of travel, budgets, staff members, and curriculum, that everything would go smoothly and that God's favor would rest on us. 

Pray that as we progress, our hearts will be discerning toward the students God has selected to train with us. 

Pray for the Ugandans that we will be living and working with, that we will build lasting relationships that reflect the love of Christ. 

I will have more information in the weeks to come about how you can pray, and if you feel led to do so, how to contribute financially. 

In the meantime, let the countdown begin!

Ahh, transition... 

The Waiting Room Ended Six Months Ago...

You read that correctly- six months ago. But like every "ending" moment, I had no idea. 

Six months ago, I was still "living in limbo." Culture shock was still a beast, the door back home to Uganda was still not budging, and I was tired and frustrated. I knew I could not wait forever, so I made some proactive decisions. 

I got an apartment and a roommate, I took a part-time position at a retail job, and I told God, "Okay. It looks like you have me here, for whatever reason. I don't like it, it's not what I planned... but I trust You." 

One month later, something dropped in my lap. 

Crossroads Church does an inner-city outreach every Saturday called Crosstown. Students from our Master's Commission and volunteers from our church partner together to present a kid-friendly "church service" at three different locations throughout our city. We sing and dance to praise and worship songs; we play games and give away prizes; and most importantly, we give children and families an opportunity to see the love of Christ. 

It just so happens that one month after I chose to proactively trust God in all circumstances, my church was in need of a director for Crosstown. 

Here's where the details get crazy. One of our MC students, Jordan, had graduated Masters and went to New York for an internship with Metro Ministries (basically a really big, well-established Crosstown). She would be back at Crossroads in December to take the position of Crosstown Director; but in the meantime, they were without a director. 

After much prayer and consideration, I said yes. I had no idea... 

no idea...

what I had just said yes to. 

In August we re-launched Crosstown. By September, we had all three sites back up and running. By October, I knew children at all three sites by name and story...and they knew me, too. By November, I finally began to see the hand of God in the past several months of "limbo." 

While I was still praying for God to take me home to Uganda, He was still resolving cross-cultural conflicts in my heart. While I was pushing on a door that would not open, He was gently expanding my heart, day by day, so that I could love more. While I replayed the face of a starving little girl over and over in my mind's eye, He was preparing me for the face of another little girl who would change my life forever. 

This sweet girl and her two sisters were our faithful congregation at Crosstown. From day one back in August, rain or shine, cold or warm, they came out every Saturday to play with us and learn about Jesus. We were privileged to teach them how God will give them courage to trust Him, no matter what; how we should be thankful in all circumstances; how much God loves them! 

Last week we went out on Tuesday afternoon for our weekly "Crosstown Community," only to hear that these three precious girls had moved out of state. My heart broke. Suddenly, I was hit by a long list of what-ifs. What if this was it? What if Crosstown was the one time in their lives that they would experience Jesus, family, safety? What if I was the one God chose to use to love those little girls unconditionally? 

That's when I realized that limbo was long over. I was no longer sitting around, waiting. I had to love, and love proactively. I had to make the choice each day to be the hands and feet of Jesus. 

*****

Transition is coming, once again. My job as Crosstown Director has been a temporary one, as we all knew when I took it. My dear friend Jordan is back from New York, and she and I will work together over the next month to transition her into the role as I transition out. 

Transition. Ahh, I've felt it for a while. But this time around, I'm not living in limbo. 

...transition. I suppose another blog will be required. 

To be continued. 

The Waiting Room...

Do you ever find yourself in what feels like an eternal waiting period? You know what your goal is, and you can see so clearly how to get there; but for whatever reason, the door just won't budge? I call this "living in limbo," and it's where I've been for seven months. 

Seven months. 

I've been stateside for way longer than I expected or wanted, and it's uncomfortable, to say the least. 

I want to be home. I want to hop on the next plane to Uganda and never, ever leave. I want to see how big my sweet babies have grown since I left, and hear about everything God has done in the lives of my dear friends. I want to do what I know I'm supposed to do with my life. 

But life is complicated, messy, and sometimes painful. 

There have been days where I tearfully clung to my Bible and begged God to tell me what to do. I'll go anywhere! I'll do anything! I just can't stay here, in this awful place of limbo... 

So great a cloud of witnesses...

"What?" 

Since you are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses...

I mumbled along the rest of the scripture, half reciting and half pondering. "... lay aside every weight....run with endurance... look to Jesus..." As I turned the verse over again in my mind, I felt strength. 

You are in good company.

I flipped open my Bible to Acts 1, which recounts the story of Jesus ascending into Heaven, promising the Holy Spirit, and the disciples in the "upper room"... waiting. 

"...He ordered them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the promise of the Father..." (verse four)

How frustrating! Jesus had worked with these men for three years, pouring all of Himself into them, teaching them and training them for things that were still to come. After He died and then rose from the dead, the disciples were excited! They assumed it was time for the kingdom to be restored to Israel, and they wanted to be a part of it (verse six). Instead, Jesus leaves them with two instructions: 1) the inspiring Great Commission of "Go into all the world!" and 2) don't leave yet, but wait on the promise of the Father.

So here we find the disciples, along with the women and Jesus' family, in an upper room, waiting. 

Waiting. 

Waiting for a promise. 

What would happen when the promise came to pass? I'm not sure if they fully understood. They had been told they would receive power, that they would be comforted, that they would have answers for their persecutors, that they would be witnesses. What would that look like? They might have been uncertain.

But one thing is sure. Jesus is faithful. 

We know how the story ends... well, begins, really. 

"When the day of Pentecost arrived, they were all together in one place. And suddenly there came from heaven a sound like a mighty rushing wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting." (Acts 2:1-2)

The disciples were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in unknown languages. When they were accused of drunkenness, Peter seized the opportunity to give glory to Jesus. Three thousand people received Jesus before the day was over, and day by day that number grew (Acts 2:3-47). 

It's comforting to read that I'm not the only one. I'm not the first person Jesus asked to wait. Truly, I'm in good company. 

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith..." (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Our challenge is to be faithful in our "upper room"- our waiting room- devoting ourselves to prayer (Acts 1:14). The waiting isn't fun and it certainly is never comfortable, but as we are faithful to trust Jesus even in the unpredictable uncertainty of "limbo," the Holy Spirit comes. He fills us, He strengthens us, He leads us out of the waiting and into His promise. 

I'm still waiting. It's still not comfortable, and I still don't feel home. But Jesus is faithful, and He is the One I wait on. So I'll look to Him, the author and perfecter of my faith. The lover of my soul. The One who holds the stars, yet loves me so deeply. 

He makes it worth it.

<3 

Unconventional

Definition: "Not conforming to accepted rules or standards."

I know this is typically not what I do, but I'm about to present to you a project with very little explanation. It was both liberating and terrifying. Find a woman who claims to enjoy having her picture taken- no makeup, no computer clean-ups, no "Let me see before you post!"- and you'll have found an incredibly confident woman... and perhaps a liar. 

 All the photos were taken by my handy-dandy stepladder and the ten-second-timer on my camera... okay, okay, they're selfies. Let's just call it what it is. 

All that the reader truly needs to know is what this project represents:

Unconventional;

It describes the beauty that our culture does not acknowledge. It is real, natural, mine and yours. It describes the bravery that is achieved not through fearless acts or courageous ventures (though I suppose that's not far off, either), but rather through day-to-day trusting in God despite the chaos of life. It describes the challenge to embrace the truth about femininity... the truth about my heart and yours. 

Here it is... Unconventional. 

Your turn. 

<3

Inspiration: Jesus, Captivating, Dove "Selfie" Project, Sara Bareilles ;)

"Sacred": A Recap and a Dedication

'Twas the night before Christmas Eve, and I was on my way home from work…

Yep, this girl got a job. I'm a temporary sales associate working in the world of retail through the holidays, and I'm really, really thankful. 

As I was saying, one night I left the store after working the late shift. My truck has a classic CD player with six CD slots, so every month or so I typically burn a couple of new CDs. I call each one my "Faves of the Week Playlist, Volume Twelve," etc. It makes me feel like a DJ. Don't judge. :)

Anyway, this particular CD had Switchfoot's "Selling the News" song on it. There's a line in the bridge that says, "When nothing is sacred, there's nothing to lose. When nothing is sacred, all is consumed."

Sacred. What is sacred? I thought. What does that mean?

Again, this was the night before Christmas Eve, so I began a mental list of everything "sacred" that I could think of. Christmas. Jesus. Church? Sure! Sacred...

I looked it up in the dictionary. 

Sacred: adj. "Devoted exclusively to a single use or purpose or person; made or declared or believed to be holy; worthy of respect or dedication." 

And God whispered, Your heart is sacred to me.

****

2013 was a defining year for me. I've experienced more than I could ever put into words. I've been on a journey of exploring my faith: 

the Jesus I believe in and Who He actually is; 

the Word I cling to so tightly and how it stands when everything physical fails; 

the righteousness and justice of a God Whose heart breaks for both the unfathomable wrongs of the world and the private, personal worries in my heart. 

I've learned that my faith only grows after it's been challenged; and it's been challenged a lot this year. 

I've seen the smiles of rescued babies; I've seen the peaceful faces of the babies Jesus took home. 

I've made friends around the world; I've learned how to love unconditionally. 

The list goes on; not just things that I've done and learned, but the things that Jesus did, is continuing to do, and is continuing to teach me. My faith is still growing; I'm still learning how to guard my heart and love with everything I have at the same time; and daily I have to choose to trust God. 

He is faithful every time. 

Your heart is sacred to me, He says. He's been faithful with my heart through every circumstance, teaching this little heart to love more, to break more for others and less for me, to be more sensitive to His voice. 

****

Dear 2014, you have big shoes to fill… but Jesus holds you. He's planned every moment already, and knows what I'll do and what I'll learn. 

Dear Little Heart, I dare you to dream a bit bigger, to love stronger, to not be afraid of what pain will come. I dare you to reach out; I dare you to reach in. Be the light you were created to be. 

Dear Robin, you'll look back someday and read this again. I don't know now where you'll be when you read it, or what circumstances will prompt you to do so. But I hope when you do, you'll read it with new eyes, and learn from it with fresh wisdom. And I hope you never forget:

Your heart is sacred to me.