It's been a month now since I've been back in the U.S.
In a lot of ways, it feels like I never left. Like somehow the five months that I was gone this time flew by a lot faster than the five months I was gone last time. And then in a lot of ways, I feel like so much changed while I was gone. (I am particularly aware of how quickly trends change. Apparently fleek is a compliment...)
A lot of people have asked me how I'm adjusting, and whether re-entry is harder or easier the second time around. It's not harder, but it's certainly not any easier. It's different. The first time in Uganda, I had to come to terms with all the harsh realities of living in a third world country and everything that entails. The second time, I knew what to expect about living in a third world country, but I had to come to terms with all the harsh realities of missions- everything that entails.
I went through a lot in Uganda. Most of it I can't talk about, either because it shouldn't be said or because I don't know how to communicate it. I learned a lot, and I'm still learning how to respond to everything I faced. I've responded badly to some things, and for other things I've taken a passive posture, refusing to process the things I know I have to.
I just don't know how.
This past weekend, our church welcomed a brand new class of what is now called Crossroads Leadership College (formerly Crossroads Master's Commission). I've just taken a job working alongside CLC in the Outreach Department of my church, corresponding with our missionaries and helping our church congregation get involved in missions. As part of our welcome weekend for the incoming students, we put on Face-to-Face retreat: an intense orientation with sessions that help each student have a better understanding of their relationship with God. It's always an incredible weekend, watching students get healed and set free from things in their pasts, given the freedom to move forward.
As part of the staff, I was there to serve the students, pray over them, help in anyway I could. I was there for the students... so I thought.
The words God gave me were so clear, so uncomfortable and yet so comforting at the same time.
I am bringing you face-to-face with everything you've just gone through,
everything you've just seen,
everything you've just learned,
everything you have avoided processing.
You will be refreshed,
you will recover.
For I will re-cover you with my Hand and with my Spirit.
"Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:30-31
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I still don't have answers. I don't know what the next steps are, I don't know how long this season will last, I don't know if the road changes from here. I'm in recovery. I'm taking my time, and I'm allowing God to work in His. My heart will heal, I will learn how to respond, I will process everything I have to process.
I will recover, and He will renew my strength.
