Do you ever find yourself in what feels like an eternal waiting period? You know what your goal is, and you can see so clearly how to get there; but for whatever reason, the door just won't budge? I call this "living in limbo," and it's where I've been for seven months.
Seven months.
I've been stateside for way longer than I expected or wanted, and it's uncomfortable, to say the least.
I want to be home. I want to hop on the next plane to Uganda and never, ever leave. I want to see how big my sweet babies have grown since I left, and hear about everything God has done in the lives of my dear friends. I want to do what I know I'm supposed to do with my life.
But life is complicated, messy, and sometimes painful.
There have been days where I tearfully clung to my Bible and begged God to tell me what to do. I'll go anywhere! I'll do anything! I just can't stay here, in this awful place of limbo...
So great a cloud of witnesses...
"What?"
Since you are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses...
I mumbled along the rest of the scripture, half reciting and half pondering. "... lay aside every weight....run with endurance... look to Jesus..." As I turned the verse over again in my mind, I felt strength.
You are in good company.
I flipped open my Bible to Acts 1, which recounts the story of Jesus ascending into Heaven, promising the Holy Spirit, and the disciples in the "upper room"... waiting.
"...He ordered them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the promise of the Father..." (verse four)
How frustrating! Jesus had worked with these men for three years, pouring all of Himself into them, teaching them and training them for things that were still to come. After He died and then rose from the dead, the disciples were excited! They assumed it was time for the kingdom to be restored to Israel, and they wanted to be a part of it (verse six). Instead, Jesus leaves them with two instructions: 1) the inspiring Great Commission of "Go into all the world!" and 2) don't leave yet, but wait on the promise of the Father.
So here we find the disciples, along with the women and Jesus' family, in an upper room, waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting for a promise.
What would happen when the promise came to pass? I'm not sure if they fully understood. They had been told they would receive power, that they would be comforted, that they would have answers for their persecutors, that they would be witnesses. What would that look like? They might have been uncertain.
But one thing is sure. Jesus is faithful.
We know how the story ends... well, begins, really.
"When the day of Pentecost arrived, they were all together in one place. And suddenly there came from heaven a sound like a mighty rushing wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting." (Acts 2:1-2)
The disciples were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in unknown languages. When they were accused of drunkenness, Peter seized the opportunity to give glory to Jesus. Three thousand people received Jesus before the day was over, and day by day that number grew (Acts 2:3-47).
It's comforting to read that I'm not the only one. I'm not the first person Jesus asked to wait. Truly, I'm in good company.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith..." (Hebrews 12:1-2)
Our challenge is to be faithful in our "upper room"- our waiting room- devoting ourselves to prayer (Acts 1:14). The waiting isn't fun and it certainly is never comfortable, but as we are faithful to trust Jesus even in the unpredictable uncertainty of "limbo," the Holy Spirit comes. He fills us, He strengthens us, He leads us out of the waiting and into His promise.
I'm still waiting. It's still not comfortable, and I still don't feel home. But Jesus is faithful, and He is the One I wait on. So I'll look to Him, the author and perfecter of my faith. The lover of my soul. The One who holds the stars, yet loves me so deeply.
He makes it worth it.
<3
